Stoic. The word conjures images of gruff, bearded men trudging through the deep snow, or men so tough emotions bounce off their leathered frowns like bullets off Superman. That too was my understanding of that word until I first encountered someone actually talking about the philosophy of stoicism, which came through Mike Duncan’s History of Rome podcast, when I was introduced to the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius, stoic philosopher-king leading the Roman Empire through yet another Germanic invasion.
The story of Marcus Aurelius is all good and interesting but his philosophy of stoicism was what interested me so much I bought a physical copy of his ramblings, Meditations, and after reading that along with some research it became a cornerstone of my own life. There are many better resources for understanding stoicism than me, so if what you read here appeals to you, go read up some more. As with anything that old, there are a myriad of splinter beliefs that each cherry picked their own favorite bits from Zeno of Citium’s original guidelines and added their own, which is exactly what you should do: Find the parts that work best for you and adapt them to your life.
The Logical Mind
The basic premise of my form of stoicism is logos, or logic if we’re not being pretentious with Greek. There is a natural state of your mind that is suitable for making decisions in a calm, rational and logical process and I posit that this state of mind should be the default state at all times, that any emotion (positive or negative) rarely has a net positive effect on your current circumstance. Anger is an emotion useful when our cavemen ancestors needed to defend their land from an opposing tribe, but when was the last time being angry actually benefited the situation? Surely perhaps in a fight the passion of rage sharpens your finely tuned martial arts skills; but when was the last time you were actually in a physical confrontation? Modern society is built around the foundation that our disputes are settled with expensive lawyers, not those hands you legally had to register as lethal weapons (Fun Fact: This meme is technically true on Guam).
Any of the negative emotions generally argue their own case, sadness and jealousy are almost never more useful to you than a calm, rational state of mind. Who wants to be sad anyway? Positive emotions are more complicated. Happiness generally doesn’t hurt the situation any, but if unimpaired decision making is your goal, it could certainly affect you into picking a non-optimal choice. Besides, the hedonic treadmill will take care of any joy and excitement soon enough so savor those endorphins while you can, it’s not like they’re sticking around.
So everything here sounds great, you’ve always wanted to be a cold, emotionless android like me. What are your options?
What’s the Worst That Could Happen?
One good method is to set your baseline expectations nice and low. Marcus Aurelius, the overachiever that he is, likes to picture his wife and children bleeding and dying in front him every morning to remind himself of the worst case scenario. Cheerful bloke. But I find that generally devolves rapidly into useless statements like ‘Could be worse, we could be dead, or dying of cancer or something!’, which doesn’t much help anyone. The baseline that works for me is a quote from the third Matrix movie, ‘Levels of existence (I am) willing to accept’. Find the worst case scenario where you are willing to accept as part of life moving forward and plan with that in the back of your mind.
So normally this would be the point where people listening accuse me of being a dour pessimist, Eeyore miserably shuffling my feet around until I kick the bucket. This is only partially true, but the trick to not finding the nearest building to jump off is to combine the worst case expectation with the logical mind. Find the ability to keep your mind in a state of ruthless rationality, block that misery from your head and you’ll find a world where you are rarely disappointed but occasionally surprised at just how well everything is going.
Locus of Control
Another method is keeping a good track of your internal locus of control. Research has shown that people who feel like they have no control over their surroundings feel more stressed and are generally more unhappy that people who report feeling like they are in control. Paraphrasing Marcus Aurelius, ‘Ask not why the road is uneven, ask what you can do about it’. It is human nature to want to know why something has happened, and to demand more information if the answer is unsatisfactory, but the better question every time you ask why is what you can do about it.
When something goes wrong, find the most efficacious action that will solve that problem and do that. If there is something you can do about it, do it. If not, there is literally nothing you can do about it, so stop worrying about it. This doesn’t mean to not ask why, if there is a flaw in the process, figure out what it is and fix it. The ideology doesn’t seek to make you a passive never-ask-why drone, it simply states that if there is an action to be taken, take it; and once every available actionable item has been done, to stop taxing your mind with pointless worries that you can’t solve.
I further argue that you can take the locus of control one step further: ‘Your actions, your emotions, and your thoughts should be completely independent of one other.’
Getting really angry about something? Don’t punch anybody.
Feel unjust and maligned for something you didn’t do? Don’t let your emotions affect your thoughts. Keep your statements rational and clear, getting angry doesn’t help for a persuasive argument.
Think that your boss is an idiot who perfectly encapsulates the Peter Principle? Well for goodness’ sake don’t tell him that, it might feel good but how does insulting your boss help your career?
Recognize where you are in control, and where you are not. Worrying about things outside of your control is a surefire way to feel like you’re helpless and useless. Losing control of your actions, emotions and thoughts just gives up what little control you do have over this entropic world we live in. 99% of all variables that affect your life already lies outside of your influence, why throw away that 1% that you have to get a nice hit of dopamine and adrenaline?
Conclusion
Keeping a calm, rational mind and a firm grip on your every emotion is probably impossible. I still struggle daily roleplaying Spock, but the key is consistency and self-awareness. Having a mental trigger for when you feel your thoughts fuzzing over is how you identify when your brain is flooding with endorphins, adrenaline, serotonin or any of the other chemicals that alter our brain chemistry. Knowing when you start getting angry, or sad, or happy is only the first step to becoming a stoic.